As you can without a doubt tell, the past year has thrown the entirety of my life into an uproar. An uproar that centers around a beautiful, smiling, incredible little boy, but an uproar nonetheless. Yet I still find myself surprised at the intangible changes that hit me every single day.
The latest example I find particularly interesting because it goes to the heart of how I view myself. Last weekend I attended a charity event, as I may have mentioned. It was a lovely event and was attended by lovely people. There was a dinner involved and the dinner included the usual round of "how-do-you-do" banter. My name is.... I am involved in this organization because.... I would like Thousand Island dressing for the following reasons.... All very standard chit-chat. But today I find myself fascinated by the topics that drove me. Because they weren't the same topics of my focus for the past several years. I didn't want to talk about my job or my involvement in the community. I couldn't care less where the people at the table could take me in the world. All I wanted to discuss was my son.
This may sound natural enough to most of you. But for someone whose entire focus for the past decade has been how to climb her way to the top of the legal profession, it's strange. Virtually all activities of most lawyers (particularly these days) involve intense focus on how to get clients, or jobs, or connections. You join groups in order to meet people who may help you. You have lunches in order to become better acquainted with these people. You send them holiday cards and drink invitations and seminar schedules--all designed to make them, and subsequently you, happy. And it's exhausting. But it's also extremely necessary. And worth it.
So why is someone who has foght for so long to get somewhere suddenly apathetic to the angles? Is it a change in priorities? Or is the kid just so darn awesome, you can't help yourself? These questions are far bigger than I, that is for certain. But it's something to ponder. How deep is the change that comes with parenthood. Does it affect our schedules or our souls? And do we have any control over it?
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