Them's Fighting Words

From the website
http://www.smartwomenown.com/

One of the things I fret about as a parent is how and what to teach my child about fighting.  I am personally a strange mixture of pacifist and pain-in-the-behind.  My job requires me to put up with, and sometimes pick, fights on a daily basis.  But I also hate conflict (in my own life, at least) and am a huge proponent of playing by the rules.  I guess you could say I'm of the "only if they deserve it" mentality when it comes to fighting with others.

After over a decade in the business, though, I certainly understand that others don't share this approach to fighting.  Case in point: this week I had a hearing before a judge for whom I have a lot of respect.  Sadly it appears that my opposing counsel does not share this respect and s/he proceeded to, well...lie...to the Court.  It wasn't anything huge, but it was deliberate and constant and enough that it was a slight both on the rules carefully set out to guide and restrain lawyers and on the Judge herself.  Fortunately the Judge saw through the lawyer and no real harm was done.  But I was enraged.  How dare this attorney fail to follow the rules.  The lawyer wasn't fighting fair.  But s/he got away with it.

So what do I tell my child?  Certainly, the issue is even more complicated by the fact that he is a boy.  I get that boys need to assert themselves in much the same fashion as girls need to figure out how to pluck eyebrows--it's just one of those stupid things that comes with a gender.  But the idea of this kid for even one second feeling emotional or physical harm absolutely kills me.  I would do anything for him to never feel an ounce of pain.  And at the same time, if he doesn't know how to defend himself (and probably others), I'm sure the pain will be tenfold.  It's such a gross conundrum.  I have a relative who for a period of his life went by "One Punch"--a fact that is now funny but, on behalf of his mother, what the heck???  And so the question is, what do we tell our kids about fighting?  It's bad but necessary sometimes?  What are those sometimes?  It's always wrong?  But how do they defend themselves? 

I guess it's an issue that will resolve itself whether I come up with a solution or not (as many tend to do).  And I guess the most we can do is teach by example.  And if that is the case, please forgive me World for the yelling, swearing child I have undoubtedly created.