The Secret Desire of All Adults

A good friend and I were recently discussing that #1 desire of all adults.  Well, it is the top of the top on the list of wants for all adults living with another human being.  And absolutely it is the numero uno wish of anyone living with a child.  I am discussing, of course, the yearning to pee alone.

Put much more elegantly, my friend mentioned that all she wanted in life is to "pi$$ in peace."  We were discussing the fact that her beautiful daughter is going through a "mommy is best" phase.  Which is awesome for the ego--not so awesome for the ability to do anything.  Anything at all.  And this, sadly, includes using the restroom.  I had a similar experience the other day.  I was very excited to have the bathroom all to myself (no hurrying, no diving to save the Kleenex brand tissues from the full bathtub, no retrieving the toothbrush from the litter box...you get the picture) when the stupid cat started scratching on the door until she had finally pushed her way in.  I was completely, irrationally irate.  I actually yelled at the intruder "WHY WON'T ANYONE LEAVE ME BE FOR 5 ***** MINUTES!"  The cat just looked at me like I was clinical (which I deserved) then scratched on the cupboard in which her own litter box is located.  I had shut it so that the baby wouldn't get into it.  Ah.  My bad.  I was mad because I couldn't pee in peace, and she was mad because she couldn't pee.  Advantage, cat.

But, seriously, this is an issue many people have to live with daily.  And I'm talking about people with kids, with spouses, with siblings, with roommates--it never ends.  Yes, I admit I am particularly touchy about the subject, as I am an only child and have space issues.  But come on.  Particularly if you have kids, and particularly if you have kids and no kind sentry post outside the door to run interference, here are your options:  (1) have him/ her climb all around the bathroom as though it were the Magic Kingdom and you Space Mountain, all while you hurridly attempt to do your business without making it weird or icky (potty training--straight ahead), or (2) listen as he/ she screams outside of the thin bathroom door and sobs as though the cat had a special taser that it brings out the moment any door in the house closes.  Not very promising, either way.  So unless you have 15 bathrooms and 22 nannies for your one child (if this is the case, call me--we could totally be BFFs), you've had to deal with this at one point or another.  And my understanding is that spouses are no different.  Except in that scenario you're the Indiana Jones ride.  Nevermind.

And so, dear readers, it seems that we have unearthed the greatest desire of all adults since....well, since ever.  If you ever achieve the incredible feat of alone bathroom time, please don't tell your friends to brag.  They may close off your litter box out of irritation.  And you will be stuck on It's a Small World over and over and over again.  Nevermind.