So, fast-forward. My child has begun to mock everything I do. It's awesome. He steals my keys and I once found him using them to try to pry open the lock on a cabinet in my room. Last night I was blinded by a mini flashlight that his aunt had given him and that he learned to turn on and swing like a disco ball--just like mom does. So you see where I'm going with this. I need to curb the swearing because it is a matter of time before "good f*&king morning, Grandpa" comes out of his little precious mouth.
For example (and forgive me if you have heard this story--it's one of my favorites), I have a friend who has a three year old. They were driving through Chicago traffic one day, minding their own business, when my friend was cut-off. Her reaction was natural: she yelled "Mother...." but in unusual fashion she stopped herself! She had managed to keep from uttering the unholy of all swear words. She was feeling pretty proud for a split-second, until her three year old angel in the backseat, his face contorted into fury, his arms outstretched and fingers pointing, yelled at the car "F*&KER!!!!!!!!!" She was mortified, particularly because the windows were rolled down and the woman in the car next to her was appalled. She said it wasn't even the swearing that killed her, but the fact that he was doing it with such conviction--even pointing at the source of his dismay. A thing of beauty, really. But not so much on the battle of mom victories.
This story has stuck with me, both because I continue to find it hilarious and because I really do need to watch what I say. And so I have decided to mind my "p's" and "eff-you's." It's unnatural for me, but I do find myself uttering a lot of "gosh darnit"'s. Like I said, it's weird. But it's in the name of preventing random strangers from being appalled at my child, so I guess it all comes back to me in some way. And so, my friends, have a frickin nice day.
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