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In the movie Lost in Translation there is a scene in which Bill Murray's character explains that, upon having your first child, "your life as you know it is gone...never to return." The movie has been one of my favorites for years. I just wish that I had known he meant my life.

In early 2010, I gave birth to the world's most perfect child. (Is there a parent who doesn't think his/her child is the world's most perfect?) In addition to being beautiful, he is brilliant and sweet and funny and hands-down the best thing that will ever happen to me. This kid is my entire world. I had somehow suspected through most of my life that he would be, which is why I fought very hard to have him. But about the post-childbirth apocalypse, I had absolutely no clue.

To say things have changed would be misleading. EVERYTHING has changed. Most of it has been good--some not so great--but everything is without a doubt different. And now the world changes once again. My little family and I find ourselves journeying from the big city to beautiful, calm Montana. Will the change be for the better? As with anything, the answer is sometimes "yes," sometimes "no," and always sought with massive quantities of hope. Come with me as I navigate the roads from fast-paced, big-city lawyer to Montana Momhood. Is there a line that can be walked? We'll see. But I can guarantee, at a minimum, it will be an adventurous road trip....

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Time = Paranoia

Originally posted on
http://www.boltagain.ning.com/
One thing about having more free brain time, the paranoia really sets in.  I'm not going to pretend that I'm not paranoid about a whole slew of things.  It's one of my trademark personality traits.  For example, I refuse to log on and plug in one of my kid's toys that "learns" his name.  Why?  Because you do it online and I don't want the sinister people at the toy company to know his name.  Weird?  Definitely.  Paranoid?  Absolutely.  Me?  Without a doubt.

But the paranoia that sets in with free time is different.  I have become extremely paranoid that my Chicago friends have already forgotten me.  I spend hours drafting emails in my head about how, because you didn't email me without prompting over the course of the last week, you clearly want nothing to do with me and I wish you a happy life.  I happen to know for a fact (at least I think I do) that such is not the case.  Most of my friends are incredibly busy people.  Most have jobs and significant others and dogs or kids or hobbies--all of which (rightfully) take up more time than I deserve.  PARTICULARLY considering the fact that I completely suck at communication.  I am the worst at answering emails, and I don't even want to get into calls.  Yet when they don't answer mine, I sit and grow more and more upset that yet another tie to the life I loved is severed.

I told you--paranoid.  But I'm starting to see how people spend all day gossiping as though it were 1985 and someone told someone's sister that her boyfriend smelled like Diet Pepsi.  Because, when that's your focus, everything seems like a really big deal.  So please, dear friends, forgive the panic.  And please drop me a note once in a while.  It will save me from watching The View to get my paranoid fix.  Why are you laughing at that?  Do you hate me?  Is it what I'm wearing????
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