Life Hunters

As I have mentioned, I am obsessed with the HGTV shows House Hunters and House Hunters International.  The voyeuristic thrill that people get from "reality tv" shows, I get from...well...reality houses.  I guess it's more than that--I love watching people react to what they see and to the possibility of change in their lives.  Particularly on the International shows.  Watching huge life-altering decisions being made (though they are undoubtedly doctored for tv) is awesome.

So I have come to the conclusion that life should work the same way as these shows.  In short, all major life decisions should be solved through a number of steps, systematically designed to reach the best result within a half hour.  Hear me out.

First, you take your problem to an expert, with a wish list of what you want from your solution.  Not only does this mean that you will get some or all of the items on your list, it also means you have to identify what you want, beforehand.  Easy to do when talking about fireplaces and backyards.  Bit more of a challenge when determining where to work, or whether to stay with your spouse.  So having a clearly defined set of parameters will be lovely in life.  Next, your expert picks three of the best possible solutions out there, and presents them to you.  Each has its own plusses and minuses, but each also bears the thrilling probability of happiness.  In life this would look something like: (a) here is George, who has a great job as a pharmaceutical rep and is therefore loaded, but who has a thing for twenty-year-old girls; (b) next we have Phil, who lives in his parents' basement but loves children and animals; and (c) finally, we have Andre who is quiet, nice, makes a good salary and is secretly gay.  Pick.  Ok, well, I would be hoping that the options are better than that, but you get the picture.  Finally, based on the information given to you in a nice little ribbon-wrapped package, you make your choice.  Three months later, we check in on your decision and 100% of the time, you are thrilled and have found a way for your couch to fit.

I guess my issue is with this whole "you're an adult and you have to make life-altering decisions every day and you will never know whether they were right" thing...and it sucks.  I'm not kidding when I say the best lesson I have learned in recent years is to take things day-by-day.  Because (MUCH to my chagrin, and to paraphrase some idiotic Meg Ryan movie), no matter how much you plan, there's no home safe enough, no relationship secure enough and you're just setting yourself up for an even bigger fall.  So until we come up with the reality-reality Life Hunters (oooh, and Life Hunters International), that's the best I can do for the moment.

And I pick Andre.  Good resale value.