Big Surprise

Needless to say, there are many aspects of being a parent that surprise me.  Ok, fine, ALL aspects of being a parent have caught me off guard.  Everything from how much I would adore this kid to how completely my life would change.  You name it, I didn't see it coming.  But at the end of the day, you learn a lot about yourself in the process.

But.  At the moment I am struggling with something that really has thrown me off.  In short, I worry that my kid won't like me.  I know, I sound insane.  Generally, I'm not one to spend a heckofalotta time worrying about whether a guy likes me.  After many years and many experiments, I have generally come to the conclusion that you either do or you don't.  Not much to do either way.  But with him, it's sort of always in the background, now that he's developed his own personality and can voice his opinions.  And, as is pretty much always the case with toddlers, his opinions are extreme.  Really, really extreme.  If he likes something, there are squeals and giggles and fist pumps (maybe I shouldn't have watched Jersey Shore when pregnant?).  If he doesn't like something, I am slightly embarrassed to say he has started the foot stomping and swinging of plastic golf clubs.  I have no experience with such things, but it is my understanding that this is normal.  But to me, it's an entire world of craziness.

The worst part is that it has opened up a box of total apprehension, as well.  In myself.  I have never really had anybody express displeasure at my daily activities the way he does (I believe I mentioned I am not married).  And while it's not a huge deal on a daily basis, it does sort of wear on me overall.  And particularly when worrying about everything I do--eventually going back to work, day care vs. sitter, EVER leaving the house (you get the picture)--I start to fear that he won't like me. 

It's insane, I know.  Totally, totally insane to worry about whether a one year old dislikes you.  Even more insane to worry about whether a one year old may eventually dislike you, for decisions you haven't yet made.  Even, even more insane to think that a kid can go even days without disliking something about parents.  I mean, come on--who wouldn't dislike someone who does things generally boring without explaining why, including making us walk around in our own pee and forcing us to get off of the kitchen table when it's so much fun??

Maybe I should drink more.  Or less.  Either way, if every day of parenthood is filled with these crazy thoughts and fears, it's going to be a bumpy, bumpy ride....