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In the movie Lost in Translation there is a scene in which Bill Murray's character explains that, upon having your first child, "your life as you know it is gone...never to return." The movie has been one of my favorites for years. I just wish that I had known he meant my life.

In early 2010, I gave birth to the world's most perfect child. (Is there a parent who doesn't think his/her child is the world's most perfect?) In addition to being beautiful, he is brilliant and sweet and funny and hands-down the best thing that will ever happen to me. This kid is my entire world. I had somehow suspected through most of my life that he would be, which is why I fought very hard to have him. But about the post-childbirth apocalypse, I had absolutely no clue.

To say things have changed would be misleading. EVERYTHING has changed. Most of it has been good--some not so great--but everything is without a doubt different. And now the world changes once again. My little family and I find ourselves journeying from the big city to beautiful, calm Montana. Will the change be for the better? As with anything, the answer is sometimes "yes," sometimes "no," and always sought with massive quantities of hope. Come with me as I navigate the roads from fast-paced, big-city lawyer to Montana Momhood. Is there a line that can be walked? We'll see. But I can guarantee, at a minimum, it will be an adventurous road trip....

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I Was Invited to the Party!

Rarely a day goes by where I am not reminded that I am, and always will be, 15 years old.  Recently, this came in the form of being "included" by another mom in a silly kid activity.  The activity was too old for my son to care, and she was likely desperate for one more person to fulfill the requirements.  But nonetheless, it was really thoughtful of her to ask.  I felt as though I had finally been asked to go to that great kegger everyone was talking about.  But a kegger with stickers.

It's just so funny to me that, no matter what each of us has been through, we revert back to the basics.  We want to be liked by the other kids.  We want to be included.  We want to feel as though we have something to contribute, that everyone else sees.  None of that goes away, just because we pack on the years (and likely the pounds) or because we move or because we're different.  And particularly, none of that changes because we have kids. In my opinion, it just rears its head for the last.

As school begins to revv up around the U.S., those feelings of the first day come roaring back to me and I start to wonder whether we shouldn't all start anew each year.  I have a great friend who actually hated starting a new year.  But I am hoping that we can all see new starts for the hope they offer.  The anticipation of feeling that anything is possible is right there.  It's a new start, and maybe this year, we will finally figure life out.  Maybe this year our hair won't frizz.  Maybe this year we'll ace that class, because we will finally study.  Maybe this year we will figure out that it doesn't matter whether the other kids like us.  Maybe this year we'll get it right.  Because we all deserve multiple chances to get things right.
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1 comment:

  1. JessicaAugust 9, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    Part of it is being back in this place, I think . . . I often feel like the insecure 16 year old I used to be. (Like right now, I don't even know who invited you or what the activity was, and all I can think is, "why wasn't I invited?") You'd think that being a reasonably confident, professional, grown-up would overpower those old insecurities, but apparently that's not the way it goes.

    I think you are right, we should all take the opportunity to make a fresh start from time to time, because life is too short to feel like we're doing it "wrong".

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