Don't get me wrong--she's not mistaken when it comes to describing my family as "off." There are aspects of it that are...non-traditional...to say the least. For example, my parents are divorced, but are still the best of friends and to this day have the greatest marriage I have ever seen. By further example, as you know I am a broke, single, parent. Not exactly screaming "success" here. And by further example, my grandmother (my child's great-grandmother) has never seen my kid. Not for any particular reason other than she hasn't been bothered. As I said, not exactly what the experts call "normal." And finally, I consider my friends--those in Chicago, those here, and those scattered about the country--to be my family, end of story. They are my loved ones no matter where I am or where they are or what insane things either of us does. Extended, wonderful, zany, but not typical.
But here is the thing. On the whole, we are a success story. Both of my parents love me and love my kid, without question and without reservation. My friends and other family members make an incredible extension of this love and fill in any "gaps" our hearts may need. And I worship my kid and would (clearly) do anything in the world to make him happy. And although things have been extremely difficult lately, and although we have lost family members due to life and to death, we are overall so incredibly blessed it's scary. And we laugh. Even when mocking stupid people (well, particularly when mocking stupid people), we laugh. So I guess call us whatever you would like. I wouldn't trade my dysfunctional family for the world. And I'll take my chances on screwing up my kid. Because, trust me, I'll have plenty of chances for that, without involving the rest of my family.
Actually, coming from a dysfunctional family can be a blessing because it is at life's hardest, most confusing moments, that one needs all the strength possible to move forward, and one can know that strength does not come from anyone or anywhere, but from one's self.
ReplyDeleteI think having the dysfunctional family to blame for screwing up your kid is fantastic. It takes the pressure off of you. If he is already destined to be "dysfunctional," then certainly, it wasn't your parenting that caused it. In fact, I think I'll call my mom right now and thank her for having been married 4 times. Clearly, any therapy my kid needs will be her fault. That's a relief!
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