In my job for the most part there are problems and there are solutions. There are tasks that need to be taken care of and they have set deadlines. I love the deadlines. A brief must be filed with the court by day X. Your paper must be no more than 15 pages. You write it, revise it, sometimes stay up all night changing it, but by day X you have accomplished your feat. You may win or lose, but you know that you have succeeded in finishing the task.
Not so much with this kid thing. It's funny because these days whenever someone makes the "happy" comment, I sort of freak. What if I do something differently and he's suddenly unhappy? What if it was the strawberry Eggos that made him happy and I switch to blueberry and he goes ballistic and never recovers? What if my mom no longer being here changes him from George H.W. Bush to George W.? What if the fact that he is an only child leads him to the path of narcisistic delusional? Oh, sorry, didn't mean to repeat that last "what if" (kidding). But you get my point. Yay, I have raised a child who seems happy even to the untrained eye. So where is my "you accomplished something" prize? I'm realizing that this thing is ongoing. Which is great on the one hand--if you truly screw up, you may not scar the child for life. But it's also frustrating because it never ends!
I guess we just have to learn to take each victory as it comes and not be so hard on ourselves for the failures. And, truly, I'm glad it never ends. Not only do I get an awesome kid to play with, that leaves more victories to be won. Please let there be victories....
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