The Cone of Semi-Silence

Ah, how fondly I recall the days when I would glare at the adult(s) who in vain attempted (and failed) to quiet a group of young children.  When it came to airplanes, I would have been the first to sign up for "child-free" flights.  At the grocery store I would time it so as to meet up with the fewest possible screaming younglings (ever been to a Jewel at midnight?  It's a good time).  And without a doubt if I saw a large mass of them heading toward me on the street, I would snort and quickly change my route.  Screaming kids suck.  Or so I used to believe.

Oh, no--I'm not saying that I now approve of disputes held at the hightest possible decible range with tiny people who have as much logic as Joan Rivers.  I'm saying that I simply no longer notice it most of the time.  I'm serious.  It's like a large cone of silence has cut me off from all forms of voiciferous children.  I rarely even notice it.  On the few occasions when I do happen to tune in to a tantrum of epic proportions, I feel a massive amount of pity (usually for the child) and simply go on about my business.  But quite seriously, 9 out of 10 times, I really no longer notice.  It's like the powers that Be handed me and many other parents a lovely pair of earmuffs at the birth of our children.

These particular earmuffs are selective, however.  While taking away the ability to notice a plea being made by a child (because Timmy REALLY needs that knife you have in your hand), the earmuffs amplify other noises.  For example, I can hear ambulances from approximately 22.5 blocks away.  The reasoning behind this superhearing is to be able to hold one's breath and begin to pray that the baby doesn't wake.  I can also, by further example, hear judgmental comments regarding my parenting made anywhere within a 5 state area.  I think this one is a result of my own doubts, as opposed to actually serving any purpose other than increasing my blood pressure.  Regardless, the parental earmuffs are magical things of wonder.

And so, the next time you are sitting in a Starbucks and you see a man frantically pulling a screaming toddler out the door as he looks around with embarrassment, assume that he is either kidnapping the child or is divorced with visitation rights.  And when you see a mother looking slightly resigned while her Katie throws herself with grandeur to the floor at the dry cleaners', instead of thinking "why doesn't she do something," cut her some slack and chalk it up to the earmuffs.  And be wary of commenting about her under your breath.  Even if you are blocks away.  She'll hear you.  It's the earmuffs.

Them's Fighting Words

From the website
http://www.smartwomenown.com/

One of the things I fret about as a parent is how and what to teach my child about fighting.  I am personally a strange mixture of pacifist and pain-in-the-behind.  My job requires me to put up with, and sometimes pick, fights on a daily basis.  But I also hate conflict (in my own life, at least) and am a huge proponent of playing by the rules.  I guess you could say I'm of the "only if they deserve it" mentality when it comes to fighting with others.

After over a decade in the business, though, I certainly understand that others don't share this approach to fighting.  Case in point: this week I had a hearing before a judge for whom I have a lot of respect.  Sadly it appears that my opposing counsel does not share this respect and s/he proceeded to, well...lie...to the Court.  It wasn't anything huge, but it was deliberate and constant and enough that it was a slight both on the rules carefully set out to guide and restrain lawyers and on the Judge herself.  Fortunately the Judge saw through the lawyer and no real harm was done.  But I was enraged.  How dare this attorney fail to follow the rules.  The lawyer wasn't fighting fair.  But s/he got away with it.

So what do I tell my child?  Certainly, the issue is even more complicated by the fact that he is a boy.  I get that boys need to assert themselves in much the same fashion as girls need to figure out how to pluck eyebrows--it's just one of those stupid things that comes with a gender.  But the idea of this kid for even one second feeling emotional or physical harm absolutely kills me.  I would do anything for him to never feel an ounce of pain.  And at the same time, if he doesn't know how to defend himself (and probably others), I'm sure the pain will be tenfold.  It's such a gross conundrum.  I have a relative who for a period of his life went by "One Punch"--a fact that is now funny but, on behalf of his mother, what the heck???  And so the question is, what do we tell our kids about fighting?  It's bad but necessary sometimes?  What are those sometimes?  It's always wrong?  But how do they defend themselves? 

I guess it's an issue that will resolve itself whether I come up with a solution or not (as many tend to do).  And I guess the most we can do is teach by example.  And if that is the case, please forgive me World for the yelling, swearing child I have undoubtedly created.

Daddyhood

Clearly, there are many aspects of parenthood that have thrown me for a loop.  One such shocker is that I have seen a number of really great guys become absolutely incredible dads.  Don't get me wrong--my girl friends are some of the best parents in the world.  And my own Dad is (in my and many others' humble opinion) hands-down the best.  But there is something about seeing my guy pals take on this new role that has me in awe.

Take, for example, my friend "Seamus."  He's an awesome lawyer and an even more awesome guy.  He has two little kids, both of whom are adorable and smart and sweet.  I adore his wife and am in no way surprised that the kids are fantastic.  What I am surprised at, though, is how being a dad has affected him to his core.  I'm not surprised he's a good dad; I am surprised at what a natural he is.  A mutual friend once commented that he and Seamus went to dinner one night and were seated next to a family.  The baby in the group was perched precariously in a booster and our friend noted that Seamus had, throughout their entire meal, one eye on the baby and was ready to spring into action should the kid tumble.  Likewise, every time I talk with Seamus about our kids I'm blown away by how wholly immersed he is in their existence.  I'm not talking about overprotective parenting or just liking the kids--I mean that he just gets being a parent.  He's truly a role model and I just shake my head in awe at the dad he has become.

My point, dear readers, is that people can surprise you.  Hell, we can surprise ourselves.  While none of us (despite his protests) would ever in a million years have contested that Seamus would have rocked the dad thing, seeing it in action is beautiful.  Likewise, a number of my guy friends have found a whole new sense of self through dad-hood.  And recognizing what these guys are capable of is so incredible, and gives me so much hope for the world, I'm grateful for what they have taught me.  So here's to the awesome dads of the world.  May you never lose faith in your abilities.  I know the rest of us won't.

Rewriting History

I have been extremely blessed to have had the world's most incredible friends enter and (thank Goodness) stay in my life.  Through thick and thin we have all been through quite a bit and it seems that these days are as turbulent as ever.  But I am grateful for each of them and always will be.

Originally posted on
heyguys.co.uk
Aug. 12, 2010

One group of such friends are the tight-knit clan from our college days.  Primarily consisting of the coolest geeks around, we were inseparable and I have remained close to them in the years that followed.  Much to my delight, I have seen a good number of them having kids recently--the delight stems from a daydream that involves our kids going to college together and repeating our glory days.  And last night while washing dishes I found myself once again thinking about how great that would be.  They could room together, as we did.  They could study together.  They could ski together.  They could...OH MY GOD.  Suddenly it hit me.  These tiny, precious little things would some day grow up to be the complete morons that we were.  I almost dropped the glass I had in my hand.  How is that possible?  Could it be that this sweet boy who delicately pats his Grandma's head when she has a headache and is lying on the couch could one day grow up to have the life goal of a 3 story beer bong?  The thought makes me as ill as I was upon fulfilling that particular goal.

The funnier part of the equation is what do I tell my friends' kids?  Case in point: one particular friend is a guy who is hands-down one of the kindest human beings I have ever met.  He would lay his life down for his friends and in college his dream was to do just that for his country.  He grew up, appropriately married one of the coolest chicks around, and recently they had a gorgeous little boy.  The problem?  I very clearly recall a time when this little angel's daddy was lying in his underwear, drunk out of his gourd (to use one of his phrases) in a pool of blood because he thought it would be more prudent to break and climb through his window than call a locksmith.  And trust me folks, this is the milder of the stories I recall.  So what the heck do I tell this kid when he asks about the good old days?  Or my kid for that matter? 

I guess I am hoping that the old memory is fading significantly by the time those questions are uttered.  If not, I suppose I tell them the truth:  mommy and daddy were just the angels you are now.  Because even they don't want to know the real story.  And it's good for kids to have goals.  Maybe this generation will even live up to them.

Suggestion Sunday

Happy Suggestion Sunday, folks!  Please be sure to get me your tips on upcoming events in your area.  We are focusing on family-friendly, but "I'm still a cool adult" activities that will help everyone maintain the balance that is the topic of this blog!

So today's Suggestion Sunday focuses on San Fransisco.  Here is a terrific site I found offering "250 Things to Do With Your Baby."  http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_bay/parenting_babies&id=6199501  The site is from a few years ago, but a lot of the suggestions are still true today, from what I can see.  And our non-California friends can even get a few great suggestions from the list.  On a list of 250, there has to be something of interest for everyone.  Well, most anyway.  Well, maybe at least one of you....

Also, courtesy of the site Our Big Earth, we have early spring gardening fun for kids.  http://www.ourbigearth.com/2009/03/06/sprouts-early-spring-kid-gardening-fun/  I thought these ideas were fantastic and fun for all.  In fact, if you don't have any kids, you'll likely enjoy the easy and fun spring planting ideas, yourself! 

Enjoy your Sunday and on to another week.  Take care whether you are a Fast Laner or a Carpooler.  Or both!