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In the movie Lost in Translation there is a scene in which Bill Murray's character explains that, upon having your first child, "your life as you know it is gone...never to return." The movie has been one of my favorites for years. I just wish that I had known he meant my life.

In early 2010, I gave birth to the world's most perfect child. (Is there a parent who doesn't think his/her child is the world's most perfect?) In addition to being beautiful, he is brilliant and sweet and funny and hands-down the best thing that will ever happen to me. This kid is my entire world. I had somehow suspected through most of my life that he would be, which is why I fought very hard to have him. But about the post-childbirth apocalypse, I had absolutely no clue.

To say things have changed would be misleading. EVERYTHING has changed. Most of it has been good--some not so great--but everything is without a doubt different. And now the world changes once again. My little family and I find ourselves journeying from the big city to beautiful, calm Montana. Will the change be for the better? As with anything, the answer is sometimes "yes," sometimes "no," and always sought with massive quantities of hope. Come with me as I navigate the roads from fast-paced, big-city lawyer to Montana Momhood. Is there a line that can be walked? We'll see. But I can guarantee, at a minimum, it will be an adventurous road trip....

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

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Has anyone here ever been called out by a kid?  I don't mean "your butt is big" called out---I am talking about questioning-every-life-choice-you-have-made-and-hitting-every-insecurity called out?  By a five year old?  Because if you have, you know that it resonates with you for days.

Recently I was watching my friends' kid.  He's a sweet, quiet, awesome boy and my son absolutely worships him.  When it comes to role-models for tots, he's at the top of the charts, as far as I am concerned.  Anyway, due to the fact that life doesn't always ask for your input, his parents have been out of town and he has been staying with Grandma and Auntie.  So my kid and I took him out for the day.  We had a blast--we hit Burger King (where they both got crowns, glow-in-the-dark fish, and I am pretty sure some of the nastiest looks I have seen coming out of adults because they were a bit noisy), we grabbed some ice cream, and we headed to my house for some Incredibles and Batman.  It was fantastic, really, every second of the day.  Even when little Skippy proceeded to systematically ask every question that I have avoided since moving back here.  And, because you don't really expect such questions particularly out of someone 4 feet tall, I did what any mature grown-up in such a position would do.  I lied.  Allow me to demonstrate:

Skippy:  Why is your car a mess?
Me:  Oh, we had a party last week in the car and I haven't cleaned up yet!
Real Answer:  I am a single working parent who is most days too lazy to shower or smile at people.  I couldn't possibly give a s*&t if there is mashed Cheeze-it/banana milkshake buffet smeared on the back door handles.  Leave me alone.

Skippy:  Why is your house so small?  Where is the upstairs and the downstairs?
Me:  We don't have them because we like to be able to find everything!
Real Answer:  I am broke.  Leave me alone.

Skippy:  Where is [my son]'s dad?
Me:  Ummmm....what?  Oh, um....well...um....Africa.  (Aside--THAT will make for fun gossip in this town)
Real Answer:  Ummmmm....oh, um.....  Leave me alone.

You get the picture.  Fortunately, the mini-Nancy Grace did leave out the topics of religion and politics.  He must have felt they would be pushing things a bit.  But I have to say--hitting my laziness, financial strain, and ineptitude as a parent was really not a bad go for an afternoon.  I also have to say that normally I am a MUCH better liar.  There's just something unnerving about those huge eyes "innocently" looking up at you and legitimately wanting to know.  And the best part is, he didn't want to know in order to serve his own purposes.  He was just genuinely curious.  Maybe some day I can ask real questions of those I love.  Maybe some day I will have answers for those asked of me.  All off the record, of course.
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