Parenthood or Age?

This is totally what I look like.  Really.
Reprinted from toonbarn.com.

When I was a kid, I was occasionally annoyed by my parents (well, my dad, really) falling asleep on the couch in the evenings.  Well, maybe not annoyed so much as disappointed.  There was so much to do!  There were games and movies and playing and eating that could be done!  How dare they (he) fall asleep when spectacular me was there!

Fast forward a decade or two (fine...or three or four).  Having a kid is tiring.  Being old is tiring.  Multiply the two, and your body doesn't stand a chance.  Which, as you know, I have fully acknowledged over the past several months.  I am going to be tired.  And as much as I love my kid and love spending time with him, I am very lucky that he goes to bed early.  Especially lately, as you will see.  But I have fully acknowledged that it is reasonable for me to want to nap a bit.

Over the past few weeks, though, it's more than nap.  I have been physically INCAPABLE of staying awake.  About 8:30 (yes, I know that's pathetic), no matter where in my house I am or what I am (or should be) doing, I will completely pass out.  We're talking snoring, drooling, offensive sleep.  And there's nothing I can do about it.  For a short time, my paranoid self seriously wondered whether I had been accidentally drugging myself.  I seriously pass out and wake up hours later, in a painful heap on the chair or couch.  And it's completely involuntary.  Sad.

So I guess I owe all adults an apology.  I hadn't realized.  At all.  And it makes me worry about the other involuntary body reactions that are likely coming.  Is this the beginning of the end?  Will I soon end up a drooling mess while in line at the grocery store?  Is an oxygen tank just months away?  Is my physical reaction to parenthood or age?  Either way, good to know there's yet another thing I can't control in life.  Awesome.

The Christma...Er...Holid...Um...Christmas Spirit

As you may have noticed, there are many things that differ in living in a smaller community than a big city.  One of the funnier ones to me at the moment is the whole "Christmas vs. Holiday" debate.

When I lived in Chicago, I found the stories about the "war on Christmas" to be hilarious.  The concept that people find it offensive that people are trying not to be offensive, cracks me up.  I couldn't fathom that anyone cared whether an obnoxious evil empire such as Wal-Mart says "merry Christmas" or "happy holidays."  Either way, aren't they saying "enjoy your time for these few weeks and pretend that your crappy paycheck is bigger than it is so you can buy things here and give us less-crappy paychecks"?  So the whole thing was funny.  Plus I distinctly recall that, when I went to law school (a religion-based school) after years of public schooling, it was cool to see nativity scenes in the halls and have "Christmas" be ok.

Yeah, well, things are a bit different here.  I now work for a government organization--about as "politically correct" as you can get.  Even more, I am in charge of said "political correctness."  So when a few weeks ago my office got a call from my predecessor, asking for his Christmas tree back, I was dumbfounded.  Not only that this guy thought I had his tree hiding somewhere under my desk, but because HE HAD A CHRISTMAS TREE AT WORK.  Don't get me wrong, I had a little one in my firm in Chicago.  The building itself decorated.  But we were a private organization.  The fact that it's ok in government to go ahead and celebrate CHRISTMAS?  Crazy.  But it's more than that.  I am now worried that my Christmas cards say "Happy Holidays."  I truly believe that there will be some people here who will be offended.  They will view my lack of "ho-ho-ho" as a full-on assault on the lives of their children and grandparents.  Even when I sort of bring it up to my superiors, their eyes get big and they immediately make sure we are clear--I am not allowed to touch "Christmas."

Which is fine with me.  I love Christmas.  I am rather spiritual, when the mood strikes me.  And I don't see the big deal, either way.  But every time anyone says "Christmas party," I can't help but take a sharp breath in.  It is hilarious.  How did I become this person?  I finally get to fa-la-la my way around an office, and instead I worry that someone is going to (rightfully, per the law) complain. 

Am I now the Grinch?  Or is he even allowed to exist?  Apparently here, he is.  Which is great, and unnerving, and wrong, and odd.  So if you happen to live here, please don't sue us.  I'll be forced to report you to Santa.

And...We're Back

Hi Folks!
Thanks for your patience over the last several months!  Things have been running and running, in the Carpool lane.  So much for being the "slower" lane.

We're doing well here in Montana and sort of settling in.  My kid absolutely loves everything about his new life.  He has the world's greatest nannies--particularly Grandpa!  He's getting big fast, and has started chatting up a storm.  He loves running around outside, even though it's getting cold here (like really, really cold).  And the whole Christmas light thing is making each day worth living.  So overall he's pretty happy.

I'm doing pretty well, too, though I miss those of you in Chicago (and Arizona) terribly.

I promise to get back on track with my updates here, as there are plenty of crazy stories to go around!!  Thanks for tuning in again and looking forward to our chats!

Hope you are well and stay tuned for more posts soon!

Just...Wow

I believe I have mentioned my understanding that, were my child to be prematurely famous, I would most likely join ranks with the Dina Lohans and the Drew Barrymore's-moms of the world.  I suspect I would be obnoxious (well, more than I am).  So while I don't know that I would walk away from the situation, I certainly don't seek it.

So what about on a smaller level (and one that is less about ME)?  We in Montana have been absolutely blissful about our darling Little League World Series team.  This group of 12-13 year olds has had us all enchanted for weeks now.  They made it all the way to the US Championship game, undefeated.  Which is incredible, particularly as Montana had never previously had a team in the series.  They were awesome.  And they gave the entire state something to cheer about.  Everyone has a story, from "I live down the street from #12," to "I know the coach well," to "I dated the uncle of the pitcher when I was in high school and he looks just like him and it cracks me up every time I see him."  It has been fun.

But the parent in me is (insanely?) worried about the situation.  These kids are in junior high.  Within weeks they went from about to start school to national spotlight, parades, front page of the paper every day.  I can't imagine what is going through their heads.  They are hometown heroes.  And they're just little kids.  Awesome?  Totally.  Worrisome?  For me.  I can't get past the fact that these kids can't believe that this is the pinnacle of their lives.  Or, worse, that they expect the next decade to be just like this.  I know, I know--I'm nuts.  Am I?  Am I completely insane to both want such an event in my kid's life and be grateful that it's not him?

I am fairly confident that most generations freak about the speed with which their children grow.  And I mean in terms of "zero to adulthood."  Fourth graders are in gangs.  Sixth graders are being sent home from school for dressing like garden tools.  And twelve year olds are being given parades.  Are we nuts to think that this stuff should slow down a bit?  Could it be done, anyway?  Am I just exceedingly OLD?  For once I'm not sure who's crazier--me or the rest of the world.

That Ship Has Sailed

I'm not certain why, but for the most part, I don't like being social.  At all.  And if I were to be honest, I never have. 

Well, that's not exactly true.  I like the company of other people.  During the day.  But once 5:00 hits, I have absolutely no desire to leave my house (lately, 5:00am).  That's one reason why I loved being a litigator.  Most of our socializing occurred during daylight hours (sure, they often passed into nighttime hours, but I was typically out of it by then).  A vampire I could never be.  I used to drive my friends insane because I wouldn't want to go out at night, unless it was a continuous motion from the earlier part of the day.  I always had a good time when I did.  But getting me out the door was a chore.

Truthfully, it was also a reason why I was excited to have a kid.  I had a built-in excuse.  What I hadn't realized, though, is that many people don't have kids and many others don't parent the same way.  So I still come away with the guilt, though it is about a million times more difficult to leave my house than it was previously. 

This has not been an issue for the past few months.  At all.  I have been blissfully ensconced in my house, alone with my kid.  But now it seems that I am getting more and more invitations to leave it.  And the thought makes me nauseous.  Seriously--what the heck?  People are being nice.  I have opportunities to have fun and get to know people.  And I have absolutely no desire.  I see it as an obligation, not as a chance.  I had thought I would someday enjoy getting out into the world.  But now I am thinking that the ship has sailed.  I am perhaps destined to be the little old woman who never leaves her 12 cats.  I will become that person who growls at kids when they come to the door, peddling things.  And I will be in heaven.  Goodbye ship.  Hello island.