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In the movie Lost in Translation there is a scene in which Bill Murray's character explains that, upon having your first child, "your life as you know it is gone...never to return." The movie has been one of my favorites for years. I just wish that I had known he meant my life.

In early 2010, I gave birth to the world's most perfect child. (Is there a parent who doesn't think his/her child is the world's most perfect?) In addition to being beautiful, he is brilliant and sweet and funny and hands-down the best thing that will ever happen to me. This kid is my entire world. I had somehow suspected through most of my life that he would be, which is why I fought very hard to have him. But about the post-childbirth apocalypse, I had absolutely no clue.

To say things have changed would be misleading. EVERYTHING has changed. Most of it has been good--some not so great--but everything is without a doubt different. And now the world changes once again. My little family and I find ourselves journeying from the big city to beautiful, calm Montana. Will the change be for the better? As with anything, the answer is sometimes "yes," sometimes "no," and always sought with massive quantities of hope. Come with me as I navigate the roads from fast-paced, big-city lawyer to Montana Momhood. Is there a line that can be walked? We'll see. But I can guarantee, at a minimum, it will be an adventurous road trip....

Friday, June 17, 2011

That Bugs Me

I have a major complaint to make to the state of Montana.  The giant, flesh-eating, harrassing bugs have to go. 

I distinctly recall being overjoyed during my first summer in the city that there were relatively few bugs, particularly mosquitoes.  I don't know if they're too drunk from hanging in Wrigleyville or they're afraid of getting shot or what.  But for whatever reason, the pests are very well controlled in the city.  It was heaven.  Unless you had a habit of wading through the weeds in city parks, you were relatively safe from infiltration.

I had forgotten, therefore, that such is not the case in Big Sky country.  Particularly because we have been having so much rain, they're horrible right now.  But I didn't expect them to take me on, personally.  Yet they have.  I have been digging out yet another garden in the backyard.  I was terrified of what I would find, as I was clearing waist-high weeds and turning up huge rocks.  Much to my surprise, however, not a snake or a spider in sight.  The most terrifying thing found were earth worms.  CRAZY!  I was overjoyed, as I am more than afraid of snakes, even garden snakes.  Anyway, I thought I was in the clear until I started turning up with welts all over my legs.  Ick.  Mosquitoes.  So I bought some repellant and doused myself and my kid in it daily.  Well, apparently this ticks them off.  Because yesterday I was brutally attacked by something (I can't be sure it was a mosquito--it may have been a relative), right at the corner of my eye.  The result is something out of a creep show.  My eye has swollen almost shut!  It's horrifying.  And I went to the CVS pharmacy and they say there's not much I can do about it.  I don't actually know what bit me but whatever it was, it had a personal vendetta.  My son is afraid of me today.  I refuse to leave the house in case there are others out there.  Awful.

I can live with the winters, I can LOVE the lack of humidity, but I have had it with the bugs.  I'm putting netting over my entire backyard.  I am buying every tiki torch and fan and candle on the market.  The bastards are going down.  They thought I had it in for slugs?  NOTHING compared to whatever ate half my face off.  This is war.
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